Summary of life
Been away from the hobby and this site for quite a while. After unpacking from Calstar 2024 and processing the images that following holiday, I put a lot of things on the back burner.
During the rest of 2024, little was done to move forward on the problems discovered at the star party. I remember taking pictures of the comet that winter and that was probably the last time I did anything related to the stars.
Luckily, I did have a bit of momentum and accomplished two tasks:
- PICkit programming the Level 6 firmware for the Gemini system. This enabled more resolution in the motor encoders. I had to do some just in time learning where I followed in the footsteps of the users from the Gemini II group. I have these pictures from the night I got it all to work.
In the time since, I don't know where I put the programming tool or wires... they're somewhere hidden away from view. - Sometime during that period I also ordered some colored acrylic/lexan panels from TAP plastics. I had them cut discs that were large enough to put on the front of the 1200 mm lens. These panels were made with tinted material in the hopes they could be used to isolate the RGB colors for improved focus.
I did not open the package for a long time - until last night.
From 2025 onwards, my work life began to consume more and more of my available mental space. The ADHD diagnosis and going through the medication shortages left me with some hard choices. I could work and try to succeed at the sacrifice of other things.
2025 was also the year of self-care and downsizing.
I started a GLP therapy in June, weighing at 285 lbs. A little more than a year later, I'm at the desired target weight of 225. I lost a lot of weight, I feel better about my relationship with food, and the additional mental bandwidth with eliminating "food noise" helped my focus at work.
I had a cyst removed from the middle of my back. This cyst had slowly been getting bigger over the years and especially with the weight loss, it was no longer cushioned by the layer of fat. Sitting in a chair with a hard back started to be painful. Luckily the process was easy and the stitches were dealt with no issues.
At the end of July 2025, I also had a cluster of cysts removed from my testicles and had a vasectomy at the same time. I've never liked that part of myself and was secretly hoping there would be issues. There were no problems and the lasting impact of wearing compression shorts has been good for my continued weight loss.
At the end of July 2025, I also had a cluster of cysts removed from my testicles and had a vasectomy at the same time. I've never liked that part of myself and was secretly hoping there would be issues. There were no problems and the lasting impact of wearing compression shorts has been good for my continued weight loss.
Since I lost a lot of weight, a lot of my clothes were no longer the correct size. This allowed me to donate things that just consumed space. Many boxes of pants, sweaters, jackets, shorts, and shirts went to the shelter to help other people. It also helped me because now, I only keep one box in the attic for seasonal wear.
My mental health got better as I learned my own feelings and limitations around the anniversaries of my father's decline and death. I also learned more about being my own center and supporting my moods.
In September of 2025, Mika decided that it was time to go to LA on a road trip as the last visit to see friends there was in 2012. I skipped Calstar that year because of the time away from the office consumed too much vacation time. It was great to hit the road and see that part of the state again.
2025 was great for my finances. Work finally offered a 401k. I poured as much as I could into it to meet the max for the year. Outside of work, I merged all my accounts that had been spread among different services. I worked with a financial planner and found that with the right budget, I was able to actually realize retirement. This allowed me to answer the "what if" question that kept me saying "yes" to anything that provided an income. Finally being able to say "No thank you" was liberating.
Work life balance was reviewed when I got a new manager. In April of that year, the approval for overtime was eliminated. However, work goals did not change. Unable to see a solution, I started working off the clock trying to keep my tasks done. I rationalized this because of how my brain saw the world and priorities, leading to decision fatigue and burnout. I had done this kind of thing at nearly every job when things started getting tough. I knew I worked slower and had issues with being lazy. I'm sure other jobs knew I had worked off the clock. When I was caught this time, the option to "just make me salaried" was not available. The rules caught up with both sides. I couldn't keep lying that my hours recorded was a true record and the employer could ignore the IRS rules for salary vs hourly.
In a different time, I would have worked harder at not getting caught again. Only because I had the freedom offered by savings was I able to stand up to what was eating me alive.
In fall of 2025, work put me on a performance plan because I was not meeting the required goals they had set for making my outbound calls to drum up new business. I put a huge effort into changing my behavior. I was proud of reaching personal records for sales and made sure to call attention to these accomplishments.
Unfortunately, with the new year there was a new direction and this meant the goalposts had moved. No longer did I feel that my square peg fit into the round hole. I had started as a customer service agent and over the years the role had switched to sales. The writing on the wall had finally become a requirement for employment. So I opted to say "No thank you."
After a time to evaluate the actual work handled, trained my peers on the tasks I did, and transitioned to a counter sales rep for the final 4 weeks, I left employment at the end of April 2026.
Once dumped out of the system, I started to realize what parts of myself I had given up to meet other people's goals. I had given up nearly all forms of photography. The last film picture I had taken and developed was in 2024. Astronomy was off the table as well. Even though the mount was set up in the back yard, it remained covered. Projects to work with aerographic lenses were stopped. The equipment was covered and obscured by other priorities, mostly the garden.
Things finally started to change around Memorial Day when Mika decided it was time for another road trip. This time it was to Utah for the big 5 national parks. After 2 days into the excursion I started feeling happy taking pictures again. It was nice.
When returning, I finally spent the time to set up Lightroom again and finally commit to seeing how much of my digital data was lost during the NAS crash in 2023. I'd avoided looking at any of the photos from that time because until I looked, the status of it remained possibly OK, like Schrodinger's cat.
I did NOT got to GSSP 2026. I still had the lingering feeling that I had too much work to catch up at the house in retirement. I also felt that I wasn't ready to accept that investment of time into the hobby.
On the weekend of July 25, Izabelle and Anthony reached out and made sure that I got to see them. This visit was the watershed moment where I was able to finally accept my past interests in astronomy.
In the past few weeks, I've put more thought into the effort required to get back into the hobby. At this point, I've made the mental commitment to being ready to go to Calstar which happens right after Labor day. To this end, I've had to empty some of the shed and get gear out to evaluate what I want and what is just hoarding.
More on these topics in a followup post.